I’ve been MIA for about a year now and even before that my updates were pretty slim. I had a lot going on and I was in a really negative space for a long time. I know I don’t owe any of this to anyone, but I want to share because I was constantly trying to understand how to handle all of this and I didn’t see many other people openly talking about it. So I hope someone who is in a similar situation might benefit from this. I know how hard it can be.
I quit my job in Dallas and moved to Houston back in Summer 2018. My photography business had just started to take off in Dallas and I had worked really hard to build up my network. I had done everything in my power to keep clients happy so referrals were starting to come in regularly from my couples and other vendors. But my network and client base in Houston was still at it’s early stages. I decided that I needed to take a break and allow myself to enjoy my new life in a new city. After all, I had been long distance with Jacky for over 4 years and we were finally together. Plus I didn’t have any friends here and I desperately needed a close friend (or a few).
On top of all that, my work situation was extremely toxic. I was working at a start up kind of company that ran websites for lead generation (simply put — getting users to click on ads and submit their information). As the youngest and only female engineer in the office (I hesitated to write engineer just now because imposter syndrome is very real and I don’t feel like I’m ‘qualified’ for that title coming from a business degree, but it actually was my job title), I felt like I needed to prove myself but I was always 12 steps behind where I needed to be. I only ever received negative feedback from my manager and was constantly cussed out or belittled by him. It was so hard to wake up every day knowing that I had to fake a smile and interact with people that didn’t respect or even like me.
The company was so small that they didn’t really have an HR (they were a separate company intended for running payroll and benefits) and the other couple of women in the office allowed a lot of extremely inappropriate behavior (like male VPs sticking their faces into women’s cleavage and asking if their boobs had gotten bigger. Yeah. That kind of shit.). It’s hard being around such blatantly sexist coworkers, even if the sexism isn’t directed toward you. You can only imagine how they talk about you when you’re not around.
When my company got acquired by a much bigger company, I tried talking to other women in the company about my situation and I reached out to HR but I was soon pushed out as a ‘bad fit for the company’. I didn’t even get a response from HR until my last day during my termination.
So all that to say – life was kind of really hard for a while. I felt like I had become such an introverted and shy person. I couldn’t stand up for myself and I was mentally trying to wrap my mind around what was and wasn’t in my control. I’m still very much a work in progress, but I’m free of all the negativity of my old job and have had a couple months to just breathe and re-center myself. I’m focusing on building myself back up to the strong, confident woman that I know I am.
As for my personal life, I made some really solid girl friends in Houston (shoutout to Bumble BFF for helping me find them), spent time doing things I’ve always wanted to, and dedicated time to my relationship and our animals. I started my new job at my dream company yesterday and I am so ready to move forward and take on new challenges in a healthy way.
As for photography, I’m back baby! I actually did several sessions since I moved here, but I never published any of the content. So prepare yourselves, because it’s coming! I promise I really am back now and will have regular updates for y’all – both here and on social media.
I am so excited to relaunch and get back to photography because I really do love this industry and the relationships I get to form with my clients. ❤️
